23/7/08 – 30/7/08

So, I guess some people know by now, but for those who don’t, this week has been pretty rough. I left maseru last Wednesday, july 23, and returned to ha thaba bosiu in the late afternoon/early evening. I arrived just as my oldest host brother, tefo was driving into the family compound. He stepped out of the car followed by a woman whom I’d never met, and who I later found out was my oldest host sister, tukiso, who lives in maseru. She was shaking and crying, and generally looked very ill. My host brother, just nodded to me and kept on walking. I figured I’d give them a couple minutes to settle and then go to make sure everything was ok, so I went into my house, put my bags down, and then headed out to my pit latrine. I ran into a relative, ‘m’e mapekola, who had lived behind my old house, and I asked her if everything was ok. She said no and mumbled a couple things, and then didn’t say any more. I went to my pit latrine and then went back in my house and began to unpack, unsure what to do next. A couple minutes later I saw my youngest host sister, lerato, walk by, and I went out to ask her if everything was ok. She said no, and then said that I should go and talk with tefo.
I walked to the front of my family’s house, and tefo was standing outside. I asked him what was going on, and he said that my youngest host brother, tsotlo, had hanged himself the day before, on Tuesday afternoon. I stared at him in shock for a couple seconds and my eyes began to tear up, and I asked him if I could go inside to see ‘m’e. he said “yes” so I entered the house, and my ‘m’e was lying on a mattress on the living room floor, covered in blankets, with family and friends sitting in chairs all around her. I had found some of the living room furniture in my house when I got home, and I suppose that it had been removed to make room for my ‘m’e’s bed, and for visitors. She looked at me and just began crying. And I began crying, and went up to her and rubbed her shoulder for a minute or two, and then offered my condolences and asked if there was anything I could do. She had really liked the chai tea that my mother had sent from the states, so I went and made her some, and just left all of the tea that my mother had sent in the house so that she could have more whenever she wanted.
I stayed with my ‘m’e, and family and friends for a little while, and then left and completely broke down. I texted my sister, leslie, and she quickly called my back and listened to me cry and calmed me down, and then we just got to chat for a little while, which was really comforting to me. After that, I went in my house to think for a while, and then fell asleep.
I woke up on Thursday, took the dog for a run, and came back to a lot of activity around the house. Both family members and friends had come to help clean up the yard, fetch water, and generally do all the small things that needed to be done to get the house ready for all the visitors and for the funeral. I bathed and went to see what I could do to help. I was put on dish-washing duty. There didn’t seem to be too much I could do after that, so I went into mohale’s hoek to drop some forms off for my school principal, and to talk with another peace corps volunteer there, who is a friend.
Over the next few days, I began to piece together all that had happened. I knew that tsotlo had failed out of university, but lerato mentioned that he had been unhappy for some time (probably depressed), and had not really cared about school. She said that she, and her brother and parents had tried to talk with him, but he had not been able to say what was wrong. Unfortunately, psychology is not considered important to most people here. Few basotho seem to be interested in mental disorders and states of mind. For example, I told my principal that tsotlo had hanged himself. His response: “he was a coward.” Another volunteer’s host sister failed her school exams and her host mother was furious. The volunteer said that perhaps she had difficulty concentrating because her brother had died the week before. Her host mother said that was no excuse. The herdboy for my family actually found tsotlo. They shared a rondavel, and that rondavel was where he hanged himself. The herdboy then went and found my ntate but wouldn’t tell him what had happened. I can’t even imagine what he was going through. My ‘m’e had to be hospitalized for the night. I know that she is a diabetic, and maybe the shock of everything had caused some problems. But she had just come home Wednesday, the same day I got home.
One thing that I am thankful for is that, through all of this, I’ve gotten to know my family better, and I’ve become closer to them. Lerato and tefo’s wife, ‘m’e matreasure, have been staying out at the house, along with tukiso, and so I’ve been able to talk a lot with them, and help them with some things at home. A couple days ago we sat out for hours cleaning small pebbles out of the sorghum my family had harvested in june. We have more to do still. I’ve also been sitting out a couple hours every morning knitting. I had started a scarf, and am trying to finish it soon. I want to give it to my ‘m’e. anyways, my ntate comes and sits outside in the sun with me in the mornings. It’s warmer there than in the house. And I enjoy just sitting with him and talking some. I also got to watch a Kaiser chiefs v. Manchester united football match on Saturday. Lerato and tefo invited me to lerato’s house, along with a couple friends, to watch. It was nice to see a soccer game, and to discuss it with tefo. And I discovered a few things: tevez has a bad dribble, needs a haircut, and looks like a vampire; rooney looks ridiculous with his facial hair; cleverly makes me feel really old; and Campbell tries really hard, but doesn’t have the skill to follow through. His goal was caused by a bad touch from a team mate. The match was the final of a tournament in south Africa, and after man u. won the announcer got giggs and rooney confused. Giggs came up to talk with him for a little while, and he kept calling him rooney. It was kinda funny.
Last night, I got to sit with my family for a while before going to bed, and I started talking with them about the meaning of names in Sesotho. I found out that “tefo” means payment, or replacement. It turns out that my ‘m’e had had another son who’d died in infancy, and tefo was kind of a replacement for that.
So, tsotlo’s funeral is august 9th. I think lerato will be staying at least until then, and ‘m’e matreasure will maybe stay the entire month. ‘m’e matukiso is still sleeping on the mattress in the living room. Apparently that’s tradition, and she has to sleep and stay there until the funeral. I’m sure the house will be busy with preparations next week. Hopefully I’ll be able to help with something. Maybe I can peel carrots for the meal after the funeral. We’ll see. Anyways, I think my family is devastated, but they are doing better than last week. Hopefully they are beginning to slowly heal. Keep them in your thoughts.